A Powerful Lesson in Not Taking it Personal

Re-post from my other blog, in reflection of the initial responses to my last blog post on not shaving my legs.  What can be possible if we don't immediately react in personal hurt from criticism, from other's upset?  What activism can be possible if I can see that it's all working, and that upset is a sign of it working?
This post comes from a post I did on my blog at work with Cafe Gratitude.

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WOW!  Over the past few weeks I’ve been getting my PhD in Not Taking it Personally.  A couple of weeks ago I wrote a powerful declaration of what I’m up to in the world and how I am using my physical body to portray it and be the change I wish to see in the world.  I am proud and empowered by literally taking Gandhi’s words into my life and make my life be dedicated to rupturing the oppressions that I feel and see in the world.  How this shows up, is that I don’t shave my legs and I’ve recently tried stopping plucking the hairs from my chin.  It has taken me several steps to get to this place of first noticing where I’m feeling disempowered, then making a difference, and now- speaking out about it.  I thought that I had it all figured out, that I was on top of any feeling of unworthiness and truly in my power as a woman fully in choice and freedom around my body.  Well, rarely are we ever done and finished with learning lessons.  As I’ve heard time and time again- as soon as you declare something, everything else shows up.

Immediately after posting I found comments on my blog that were hateful and degrading to me and my commitment.  I found that a link to my blog was mentioned on another website with dozens of responses and reactions to my commitment with disgust and hatred.  I felt attacked, alone,  diminished, defensive, angry… and then I recognized what work there is to do from my seat.  My emotional reaction to the circumstances of their comments is my work to push through.  It’s human to feel sadness with criticism and defensive with aggressive words… and it’s my job to stay in my commitments and weather the storm.  As Kindred Spirit reminds me, upsets are not personal:

When my emotional experience is not pleasant, I often place the responsibility outside myself, leaving me a victim of some external circumstance.  Upsets are wake-up calls and direction-markers, pointing out where I am being something other than oneness.  Upsets are not personal.  Freedom lies within.  If I can realize that when someone else is upset it’s not about their circumstances or the actions of others or myself, I will be well on the way to mastery….  I hold upsets or unwanted emotional experiences like I hold the weather.  There is nothing to resist because it is just passing through. (p. 19)

It’s a hard thing to take on… but not taking hateful words personally is incredibly freeing. If I can stay in my seat through the harshest of criticism, then I’m able to truly get through resistance and into transformation (both for myself, and be open to seeing it in others).  I’m considering that their reactions to me are like the detoxification process.  Being the change I wish to see in the world takes on another level of responsibility:  not getting defensive or taking it personality when that change meets resistance.  By being strong, keeping my seat, trusting that it’s all working… I see that this is my training for leadership in uncharted territories.  This is my work in causing transformation in the world- I need to be ready for whatever storm comes back at me.  Surely, if I am making a stand for something powerful, powerful resistance comes back to balance that out.  “Breakdown as breakthrough” has a whole new meaning.  I am inspired by my impact being so potent and recognize that this is the life that I’ve signed up for.  It’s all working.

What criticism can you let go of?  What are you taking personally?  I encourage you to practice keeping your seat, holding your commitments through the storm of upset.  Only there can you keep your power, and center unconditional love.

Thinking of now

I just got present to something (and in the most literal way).  This moment, right now as you are reading this, is the only moment of it's kind.  Your perspective, your emotional response, the way the air moves, the slow degrade of the objects around you, this snapshot in your life and in mine will never be the same.  We will never experience what we are experiencing right now.  We will never see (no one will ever see) what we see now.  I think of my grandmothers, who will turn 100 this September, and all that she's seen.  I ask her what it was like to see suffragettes out on the streets, how she felt about vehicles, or the civil rights movement.  She didn't care much for any of it, and didn't have much to say about it.  "What a loss!"  I think, that someone lived through all of these incredible developments and didn't look for it or didn't care about it!  I think of all of these milestones in history (whether we think of them as good or bad) and then wonder how many of us are asleep to them.  What can be happening right now that we are asleep to?  I'm not saying that we should seek out all of the big changes and try to be there when it happens to say "I was there when...", but rather I'm saying that we need to be more fully aware of the gift that the present really is!  Think about it- you are the ONLY one with the experience and perspective that you have, and this is the only moment like this that you will ever have!  Whether you are soaking in a bathtub, walking to the store, chanting at a rally or reading a blog online... this moment is precious so try staying right here and don't wander off.

I had a friend in high school who had the most beautiful smile.  I can picture her right now, daydreaming about her amazing dimples and the way her face lit up.  She tried her hardest to stop herself from smiling, often times physically holding her lips down if she started to laugh.  She told me that she didn't want wrinkles, so she tried to hold down her face to keep from making creases.  I don't know how serious she was about it, but what I do know is that she was so thinking of the future- that she stopped herself from fully enjoying the present.  As much as I am amazed at this, I acknowledge that I do it to myself every day in that I am always planning a meal for later while while listening to someone in a conversation.  I dream of a big road trip I want to take across the country as I eat that meal I planned.  Then while I'm traveling I'm thinking about the changes I want to enact when I'm back home.  We are always living into the future, which is a function of human nature.  As a practice, I encourage you to try out for one day fully enjoying and relishing every moment.

Right now there are molecules buzzing, life is shifting, materials are breaking down and layers of dust are landing on your shoulders.  As simple and as mundane as every moment might feel, I am grateful for this moment sharing with you.